unconventional exercise (D.13 & 14)

Yesterday evening I went and helped our school librarian move stacks.  Heavy stacks.  And books.  Lots and lots of books.  When we left about 8:30pm it looked amazing.  And our arms and legs were sore.  Even with 6 people helping, it was a lot of work.  Wish I'd worn my pedometer!!

today, we have been staining our deck and trim.  Oh, and the new dog house, and whenever my husband finishes them, new flower boxes that will go on top of the dog house.

Lots of calories burned, muscles worked and I'm feeling good.  Even if right now I smell like stain. 

What I love most about spring/summer?  It's the weather that allows you to spend all sunlight hours outside and be happy and warm.  I'll forgive MN (aka, mother nature) for making it snow yesterday, 'cause today was pretty close to perfect.

the weigh in that wasn't (Day #12)

I did not weigh in yesterday.  My stomach was all twisted and I felt like blah.

The reason I felt so blah, was that Tuesday evening I had a craving for salt.  And oreo's.  And just everything I have been avoiding or eating less of.  I never felt like I was missing out, but a flipped switch, and there I was.  Eating way too much, or things that weren't smart, and not being able to stop.

By yesterday after work, I felt truly sick.  Didn't go weigh in, and haven't stepped on my scale.  I know I have  again, but I promised myself that I would give myself till Saturday to step on.  No sense in torturing myself further...

I'm not even sure why it happened... I really am not.  My stress isn't out of control right now... not major is happening at the moment... and the sky is blue.

A friend suggested that perhaps I wasn't getting enough salt/sugar in my diet.  Which, I guess could be true... I don't add salt to anything (HBP) and I don't like sweets much... but I'll figure it out. 

And ban my husband from showing me oreo's he's purchased.

Day #9, looking in the mirror.

I've been thinking for a little while about how my self-esteem isn't so hot.  I rarely look in the mirror... I don't really care about how I look when I go out... I want comfort, easy and not to mess with anything.  On Saturday, after planting the garden, I realized that I missed the fuss.  I've not fussed since moving hear.  No makeup, I dress nicer for work, but come home and change to sweats.

I vowed to myself I would change that.  I'd start with my hair.  It's the one area I do spend time on.  I have a curcly, crazy mop on top of my head.  It's growing out, again, and while it does, if I don't do something to it, it goes all Medusa on me.  Really. 

So, I made cute little hair stuff.  I've been doing a lot of bobby pins, and why not dress them up.  Saturday evening was spent with a  hot glue gun, buttons, bling, metal, ribbon and fabric.  I had such a good time, and can't wait to jazz up my head. 

It's amazing to see how much it effects you...  you are what you think, and I'm going to do my best to be sure to think more positive.  Healthy from the inside out.

Day #7, putting in the garden

 So, we don't have a community garden plot like we have for the last 2 years.  Instead, we have a 30X30 plot at my MIL's house.  She's not used the entire thing since my FIL passed away about a dozen years ago... she just plants a few tomato plants and calls it good.  Now that we live here, we're taking it over, and it's going to be a MASSIVE crop.  I see a lot of canning & freezing in our future.  A lot.

It's amusing to me, a bit, how many people didn't know what Walls of Water were.  Well, the green things right over there are them.  Never fear, I had no idea what they were either until 2 years ago when I started gardening.  They are a MUST have for Montana, and here as well.  

The white things are hot caps, which still protect the plants, but are cheaper.  We have about 30 WoW's and about 20 hot caps placed around... Even with no much plant growth, the garden is certainly colorful!!

We have planted, so far:  strawberries, peas, cucumbers, cauliflower, broccoli, tomatoes, asparagus, rhubarb, zucchini, beets, sunflowers, watermelon, cantaloupe, chives... and a load of peppers... lots of different kinds...  We still have beans to put in, and the kiddo wants brussel sprouts... but then I think that's it.  We'll be planting lettuce, spinach, and most of our herbs here in containers at our place.  Plan on building those this next weekend.

Idaho has a MUCH longer growing season, so I know we should be good for freshness.  And it does my heart good to know we'll be saving a lot of money as well.  It's expensive to eat health, and a garden will certainly help!

I'm a bit nuts.

I started back up jogging/running/walking yesterday.  It's been about 3 weeks, maybe 4 since I've done it.  Because the weather is nasty, and we gave away our treadmill when we moved- I decided that our home made the perfect circle.  So, I did it inside.  Sirius sat at the end of the corner and just watched me.  I'm sure he thought I lost my mind.

Then my son came home- and said, "what the heck are you doing mom?"  I made him take a picture. 

While I won't stay inside forever, I will till I build up my endurance a bit.  I was pretty sick, and I still am sleepy a lot of the time.  So, I need to start this up slowly.  I did forget to wear my pedometer, but I did 10 laps before I stopped.

Day #4 (Weigh In)

Weighed in at 272.0 at TOPS.

That made for a 5.25 pound loss!!

I came home and immediately weighed on my scale.  It said 267.8, so there is the difference between the two of them.  Just about 4 pounds.  So now I can know how those rank together.

My first mini goal, to have a 6 week losing streak.

Rapids are out there!

Of all the pictures I took of retreat, the series of people going down the rapids at Payette, keep making me look closer.  Over and over again. 

Do you think they were scared?  Excited?  Nervous?  Insane?  Envious of those on dry land?

What about those driving by, or pulling off to watch?  All the same feelings, excluding, they want to be in the water too?

For me- yup.  I was all those thinking watching them.  including envious!  Do I think I would ever be brave enough to kayak that crazy of rapids?  Probably not while I have a child at home... but I wanted to be that brave.  My heart raced while watching them.  I wanted to hoot and holler and cheer for each as they made it through this one super hard section.  I REALLY wanted to hoot for one guy he flipped and got himself righted back again.

So-- this is how I'm seeing my journey.  I REALLY want my weight to come off.  To be healthy, to be like most everyone else.  I am jealous, and not afraid to admit it, of people who have completed their journeys.  I'm there in those rapids, trying to figure out my way, how to work the oars, to stay upright, etc.  I'm learning, I'm figuring it out, and I'm trying.

And trying?  It's doing something, which is better than not doing anything.

MCall, Idaho TOPS retreat!

 I spent the weekend in McCall, Idaho at a TOPS retreat.  It was a struggle within myself to go, or to be up in Montana with my friends and with Josh's dad for his benefit and to pay my respects in person.  That war was given the, "you've done all you can, and go destress at retreat."  So I went-- and my thoughts were up in Hamilton for most of the weekend... but I did need to regroup.

These 6 men who were riding the rapids fascinated me.  My husband called them crazy- I called them brave.  And ready for the fight.  I watched them and made j pull over so I could watch them come down to me.  they pushed hard, only 2 tipped over at our spot, and they were on their way again.  I cheered for them!

I'm thinking the retreat, for me, gave me some supplies I needed, and will, I hope, carry me on for awhile. 

One thing that wasn't planned was a trip to the ER on our return home.  Got an EKG, blood work, and super fast service.  I've been having these bizarre chest pains/weirdness/flutters/something for a week.  Sunday night, they got bad, freaked me out, started getting sick and I decided I needed to go in.  My BP was crazy.  but EKG was normal (thank HEAVENS) and everything else looked good.  The blood work showed that my potassium was very low, which makes things not so good, and that I needed to rest more.  And take up yoga.  They think it's just all the stress going on in my life, mixed with my HBP, it was a weird mix up.

My Cousin It--- it's being a control freak and worrying about EVERYONE out there.  My friends, family, ex's, government, banks, everything & everyone.  I worry--- and this time, it about took me down.

It's time to refigure out what I need, what I gotta do, and what *I* know I can achieve to make me better for me.

My Day One (Official Restart Date)

I'm starting over.

Before picture, after retreat.

I'm READY!!

Stress eating & heartache.

When I'm happy I don't eat.  When I am sad, I do.
I had a 1/4 pound gain last night...

This morning I woke up to a text saying that a student passed away.  Not just any student, one I had from freshman to senior year.  He's been battling cancer since Christmas.  He's 18.  He graduated in June.

My heart is in a million pieces, his benefit is on Saturday... waiting to hear about his funeral.

going to try to stay away from food while I process.  I feel sick to my stomach.  If you pray, pray for his dad Mike.  It was just the 2 of them. 

It's makeover time

I went through the cabinets and the fridge.

I went through drawers and my closet. (Donated all clothes too big, and way too small.)

I made a weekly menu and alternate for the other family members.

I have my ipod charged.

New shoes broken in.

TOPS retreat this weekend.

CHARGE!!!

Bribery-- it can work.

I'm bribing my 12 year old.  He doesn't get an allowance, but I told him last night that if he can keep me on track I'll pay him $1 a day. 

Keeping me on track means:

*Going on a walk with me
*Making me take him (therefore me) to the Y
*When I suggest eating/snacking after 7pm, telling me it's late
etc, etc, etc.

He's game, I'm game-- it sounds like it could work.
YAY!

Wednesday Morning--

Today is my TOPS weigh in day.  So, on the scale to see what it looks like... 

SCORE!

Official weigh in is at 4:30pm.  But, I'll have a personal loss... as far as a loss with TOPS chart, not sure... it's been 3 weeks since I've been.. and I haven't been tracking very well... But plan to be NOW! 

Which is what counts, right? RIGHT!

Take 2 in 2011

Here is our cheep little scale.  I will be going back to weighing in every day.  Which helps ME keep track of how I am going.  I'm going to find my ipod, haven't seen it since we moved, so I can restart Couch to 5k.  I plan on going to the YMCA at least 2 mornings a week (5am mornings.)

This number to the left.  Made me sad.  But, it's a starting point.  I'm trying to figure out some kind of checks and balances.  I have a little frog bank and thought about putting $$$ in it every time I exercise, lose weight, etc, etc.  But, what about a counter thing-- if I have a gain, don't meet my exercise goal, etc, etc.

What I would really love it a buddy.  Someone who was about my size, wanted to do what I want to do, and we could keep each other up.  It would be even more awesome to have someone IRL to do it with.  But, the only friends I have here are my 12 yr old son, my husband, and my MIL. 

So-- I'm turning to you all!!  What do you do for checks/balances and to keep you on track?  Do you chart?  Do you add stickers, money?  Do share and tell!

Scare tactics & medication

Because of our move, and new job, etc.  We are without health coverage until mid summer.  Leave it to me to get sick.  Super sick.  My crazy strep throat came to attack on Wednesday.  I couldn't swallow without almost passing out from pain.  I talked like I have a mouth full of cotton balls.  So off to urgent care and forking over $100 instead of our normal $20 copay.

He wasn't concerned with my throat.  He was concerned with my blood pressure.  A reading which caught me in a "no way," but maybe it was wrong...  I've had high BP for awhile.  Stopped taking the meds, I know- bad, but thought I was taking control.  Obviously not.  he encouraged ("you had better...") me to get my prescription called in and to take it.  I started taking it on Thursday, and besides feeling light headed, and semi out of body experience, I feel no different. 

But he scared me.  Maybe a scare is what I need.

Tomorrow starts my "Take 2."  We got a scale.  I got my slimfast (because I never eat breakfast, and this works for me,) and I have promised myself to exercise every day.  Even if it's just the walk with the dog in the morning. 

I mean it this time.  Because I don't want to have a stroke, a heart attack, or worse- be dead.  I do want to feel good, not breath hard, and look cute.