2014 sucked, I won't let 2015.

It's been a LONG time since I've blogged.  Life has been insane and my body, unfortunately, shows it.  I'm at my heaviest and when I realized it yesterday, I pretty much cried.  

I could blame my Achilles replacement this summer.  6 months of recovery so far, another 6 months to go.  I could blame a new job, on top of going to school, my husband needing heart surgery, and other family drama.  I could keep going on those blames.

Or, I could be very honest and admit, that while my life in the last 7 months has been chaotic as all get out... I also have been slacking.  I've been drinking soda on a near daily basis.  I've not been allowed to exercise like I was, but I was too "I don't like it" with trying new things that I *could* do.  I spent my time laying on the couch or bed, watching movies and reading.  I've become a homebody-- and because of my own choices- my body is suffering.

Bring on 2015, I need to restart.  And I am going to do it.

The MVWLC is starting up tomorrow, we just don't have the funds to do it.  However, I am going to start blogging again and will do my own challenge for myself.

Rapids are out there!

Of all the pictures I took of retreat, the series of people going down the rapids at Payette, keep making me look closer.  Over and over again. 

Do you think they were scared?  Excited?  Nervous?  Insane?  Envious of those on dry land?

What about those driving by, or pulling off to watch?  All the same feelings, excluding, they want to be in the water too?

For me- yup.  I was all those thinking watching them.  including envious!  Do I think I would ever be brave enough to kayak that crazy of rapids?  Probably not while I have a child at home... but I wanted to be that brave.  My heart raced while watching them.  I wanted to hoot and holler and cheer for each as they made it through this one super hard section.  I REALLY wanted to hoot for one guy he flipped and got himself righted back again.

So-- this is how I'm seeing my journey.  I REALLY want my weight to come off.  To be healthy, to be like most everyone else.  I am jealous, and not afraid to admit it, of people who have completed their journeys.  I'm there in those rapids, trying to figure out my way, how to work the oars, to stay upright, etc.  I'm learning, I'm figuring it out, and I'm trying.

And trying?  It's doing something, which is better than not doing anything.

MCall, Idaho TOPS retreat!

 I spent the weekend in McCall, Idaho at a TOPS retreat.  It was a struggle within myself to go, or to be up in Montana with my friends and with Josh's dad for his benefit and to pay my respects in person.  That war was given the, "you've done all you can, and go destress at retreat."  So I went-- and my thoughts were up in Hamilton for most of the weekend... but I did need to regroup.

These 6 men who were riding the rapids fascinated me.  My husband called them crazy- I called them brave.  And ready for the fight.  I watched them and made j pull over so I could watch them come down to me.  they pushed hard, only 2 tipped over at our spot, and they were on their way again.  I cheered for them!

I'm thinking the retreat, for me, gave me some supplies I needed, and will, I hope, carry me on for awhile. 

One thing that wasn't planned was a trip to the ER on our return home.  Got an EKG, blood work, and super fast service.  I've been having these bizarre chest pains/weirdness/flutters/something for a week.  Sunday night, they got bad, freaked me out, started getting sick and I decided I needed to go in.  My BP was crazy.  but EKG was normal (thank HEAVENS) and everything else looked good.  The blood work showed that my potassium was very low, which makes things not so good, and that I needed to rest more.  And take up yoga.  They think it's just all the stress going on in my life, mixed with my HBP, it was a weird mix up.

My Cousin It--- it's being a control freak and worrying about EVERYONE out there.  My friends, family, ex's, government, banks, everything & everyone.  I worry--- and this time, it about took me down.

It's time to refigure out what I need, what I gotta do, and what *I* know I can achieve to make me better for me.

Weight Loss Scrapbook

I've started one.
It's gonna be super cool.
I plan to do at least a double layout a month.
More if/when I meet goals.

I'll get pictures and post.

I'm making a super hero girl: FrogiNater to the RESCUE!