My streak was broken

I gained. A pound. I'm posting this late because yesterday I was so bummed. I kept beating myself up over it. But, it is what it is.

This last week our chapter challenge was to keep an accurate food log. Anything that you placed on your lips, you wrote down. That was an eye opener for me. Want to know how many times I had breakfast? 3. Lunch? 5. Most of my eating came after 5pm and before 10pm. Gotta work on that.

My exercise has been good though. The weather has helped. Still cold, but I've enjoyed the sunshine on my face- even in 40 degree weather.

Next week, getting rid of that pound.

For me, the anal minded

I need something to keep track of how I am doing. I found a nice little blank book for a training log at RE. So I bought one for myself. I figure it will work with my GBOR that RE suggested for me.

I'll start it tomorrow. Why tomorrow? Because the sheets inside start on Monday. :)

Runner's Edge: Missoula Style

My first trip to the store wasn't very long ago. My second trip was to turn in my forms for my 2nd race of the year: Run for the Luck of It." (3-13-10.)

I just realized (I so need to read forms better) that it goes before the parade starts. Umm... what happens if I can't finish before the parade takes me over!! I gotta email the ladies to find out. My pride can't handle a DNF. Not at all.

Anyhow (that was a blurp because I got the link and was reading about it) on to RE. It's a GREAT little store. Really. One day, I'm gonna be able to buy clothes in that store. Real clothes, not just socks.

Mental Games

This morning I was asked if I had lost weight. My instant reaction, out loud, was , "nope, not really." When asked again if I was sure, I replied I'd lost a little bit this year, but nothing to be noticeable at all. No clothes size change or anything like that.

The 3 people let it go and we continued on with our project we were doing. I was explaining things but my head was having it's own conversations. Namely-- "why can't you just take a compliment with a 'thank you for noticing.'"

I'm still thinking about it 12 hours later.

Maybe it's because I've been boycotting all things healthy since Wednesday. Or maybe it's because I'm still in 260-ville (SparkPeople Team). Or maybe it's just because getting a compliment makes me blush and feel very uncomfortable. I don't like the spot light shining on me. Kind of like when I was the last one in that race... they were all cheering & I wanted to cry. I just wanted to cross the finish line in peace & quiet with no one noticing my time...

I know I can't be the only one out there with this kind of issues, right?!

Slow and steady.

Tools for Starting

I had known that we would use some of the taxes to get me started on my learning to run. Our state taxes came in & it was time to pick up things I'd researched and wanted. A trip to REI & Runner's Edge, both in Missoula, took most of the afternoon. But I left with a very diminished account, but 2 bags of things to get me started.

The iPOD is from my husband, for Valentine's day. I've been wanting one, but hadn't gotten anything. Even yesterday I kept going back and forth. This morning he said he was sweating bullets when I kept looking at them at every store we went too.

I started reading "Slow Fat Triathlete" on the way to stores and then home. It's very well written, so far.

But I have to admit, it was the name of the book that got me smiling and made me buy it. One of the phrases I tell a lot of people when we talk about diet & exercise, is:

"I may be fat, but I'm certainly not dead."

I'm on my way to being a runner. I've got some great tools to help me get started. I hope to be like the lady in Runner's World, this month, who lost 108 pounds by taking up running. She ran the New York Marathon a year after watching it form her couch. A little over 8 hours to finish. But she finished.

THAT is a hero.

Keepin' steady

Staying on the losing train!! Go me. I've decided to embrace my little numbers. I'm not some big contestant with double digit loses. I'm a normal girl, mother, wife. I'm a teacher of high school kidlins. I have many responsibilities. I am trying to make a lifestyle change that I can keep up with.

For those reasons, I *AM* proud of myself!!!

Feeling sorry for myself.

It was a rough day. Tomorrow will be rougher. Without going into it all- I had some hopes, that instead were crushed. Hopes that I was telling myself I didn't care about- but anyone who knows me, knows otherwise.

While watching a movie just now, I heard/saw this:

"This is your life. Right now. It doesn't wait for you to get back on your feet."

I like this quote... a lot.

You aren't even fat.

That's not what someone said to me, but instead what I said to a co-worker.

Basically this week was semester exam week. A very boring sort of time for us really- we had a lot of downtime. However, once a day for about 30 minutes 3 of us would get together and clothes shop online while we had a chance. The sites we looked at were the same, though I was very much a different size than them.

H & M are probably the 2 I talk with the most at school. They are size 6-8, me? I'm a 20W. M is trying to lose about 10 pounds, she's a tiny little thing, maybe 5 foot. H is taller, about 5'6" and has taken up running when school started because people keep asking her if she's pregnant. She's literally turned into a twig with boobs. However, yesterday she was complaining that she was asked yet again if she was pregnant. I suggested maybe it was because she had lost so much and now her chest looked so big in comparison. She said nope, it was because of her pooch. Which is seriously, not there. But, went on and on about how fat she was and how she needed to lose another 20 pounds.

My jaw did fall of my face, because afterwards she asked what was wrong. When I told her my theory- that yes, I was fat, yes I was trying to lose, and yes I got pregnant comments- but that she looked awesome and anything but fat. She just laughed and said our fat was different.

Ummmmm....

So I came home and couldn't stop thinking about it. Granted, I've never been a size 6. The smallest size I can recall was a 12, in junior high, and 14's all through high school and college. I'm taller, 5'11", and bigger boned, my hips bones stick out. I still can't stop thinking about her comment...

I'm not totally sure why it bothers me so much. Except for the fact that she is so unhappy in her own skin. I'm happy in mine- not content, but happy. I've embraced that this is me- all it'simperfections and rolls. I am content to work on myself and to bring my body on a trip to healthier and weighing less. Shopping for smaller sizes too.

Anyhow.. I'm rambling, but I had to perge it...

Clap.

In my TOPS group, a weigh in where you stay the same is a "turtle." We give a single clap. Today, that's what I got. We also went over January stats, where I lost 3 pounds for the month, recording not a SINGLE gain the entire month. Three cheers for ME!!!


I still feel really awful. I've done my challenge of 10 minutes of actively doing exercise, but not much else, other than feeding my son and sleeping. So a turtle was welcomed. A lot.