Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Feeling quite blah & random.

I'm back in my workout groove.  It's amazing (horrifying) that after just 4 weeks off, I am so out of shape.  I was so THERE.  I didn't feel fat, and completely ridiculous while shaking my hips, belly dancing, and pretending I could be Shakira during Wakka Wakka.

Tonight, in a smaller class, I felt just that way.  I'm 4 classes "back" and tonight the class was filled with super dancers and athletes.  I tried to hide in my back corner... but that didn't work during one Michael Jackson song... we had to turn, I couldn't figure out the foot work.  For 12 LOOOONG counts I was staring at them while they wiggled staring at me.

I cried on the way home.  Pretty pathetic.  I almost came home and ate.  A lot.  But I didn't.   I filled a glass with ice, poured in some crystal light pink lemonade, and took a super hot shower.  I put on fuzzy jammies, and started watching the new season of BL on the dvr.  (Have watched bits and pieces, tonight I'm watching it all.)  I promised myself if I ate, it would be a yogurt.  But the drinking is working-- the hunger (stress) has passed.

I want this so bad. 
I want to be healthy.
To not be morbidly obese.
To not be obese.
To be able to finish a 5K in under 40 minutes, instead of the hour.
I want to wear clothes without the "W."
To not look pregnant, because I want to really be pregnant.

Tomorrow is my weigh in day.  I hope I met my 2 pound "self" challenge. 

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