This season I've not enjoyed the show much. Too much game play- and I want the stories... vote off's being because they are close to goal, not because they are a major threat to the cash.
Anyhow, I watched last night after spending the last 3 shows fast forwarding through stuff.
I cried. A lot.
The big one-- the "fatselves" talking to the "skinnyselves." Can you imagine? A video log doing that to yourself? I've done a letter- but I think I want to do a video. Might have to create a FrogiNater youtube version of myself.
The other big wake up call came today at inservice. I saw myself on video. My huge, butted self. I saw myself in a way I've not seen myself before- and I looked awful. I was so ashamed... really, really ashamed.
I am by far the biggest person in my workplace. There is one other, but she's almost a foot shorter, so since I'm a foot taller, my weight is just about hers, but I know her number is MUCH lower than mine.
But she wasn't on that video. I was. 3 chins and all. Big belly rolls hidden under a coat, but still there. Round pinchable face. But there.
Now, no one else was watching me, I was in the background. The video wasn't show casing me- just an activity we were a part of last spring and the video was finally finished.
But I saw only me. And I made myself not cry. But at my meeting, and weigh in, I brought it up. Everyone else nodded their heads, but I honestly had no idea "what" I looked like. I've done my fat pictures, I've stared at myself in the mirror.
NOTHING prepared me for that video though.
I'm going to get a copy of it, and I'm going to keep it fresh in my memory. I'm also making sure my food log stays in my school bag and not in my desk at school.