2014 sucked, I won't let 2015.

It's been a LONG time since I've blogged.  Life has been insane and my body, unfortunately, shows it.  I'm at my heaviest and when I realized it yesterday, I pretty much cried.  

I could blame my Achilles replacement this summer.  6 months of recovery so far, another 6 months to go.  I could blame a new job, on top of going to school, my husband needing heart surgery, and other family drama.  I could keep going on those blames.

Or, I could be very honest and admit, that while my life in the last 7 months has been chaotic as all get out... I also have been slacking.  I've been drinking soda on a near daily basis.  I've not been allowed to exercise like I was, but I was too "I don't like it" with trying new things that I *could* do.  I spent my time laying on the couch or bed, watching movies and reading.  I've become a homebody-- and because of my own choices- my body is suffering.

Bring on 2015, I need to restart.  And I am going to do it.

The MVWLC is starting up tomorrow, we just don't have the funds to do it.  However, I am going to start blogging again and will do my own challenge for myself.

Meet Earl, it's all his fault, right?

 

I kind of dropped of the face of the exercise world didn't I?  Well, meet Earl.  That funky little thing in the picture, cock your head to the left and it looks a little bit like a mouse?  That's Earl and the reason I was told "no."  Exercising for my city Weight Loss challenge made me find it.  I was also on crutches and basically told to do nothing more than walking.  It was a HARD blow.  I had done so well, and the weight slowly crept back on.  I am holding off on surgery as it's not "needed" right now.  Basically my Achilles is calcifying, which is pretty bizarre, to me.  I will need surgery, but am waiting since it's not a have to do it right now kind of thing. Instead it's a "wonder how fast it's growing" and be careful.  I've found that biking, slowly, doesn't cause much of a problem.  So I've been looking and found an old spin bike at a thrift store for $10, guess who bought it? Me!

The school year is fast approaching and I will be working myself slowly back into a routine to hopefully get myself back to where I was when I found Earl. 

I'm not sure if anyone is even out there anymore, I'm so ashamed, but I am dedicated and plan to figure something out (more diet than exercise probably) to get me back on track.

MVWLC = Bad Mojo

Okay, so signing up for a weight loss challenge can't make you do horribly, but it has seemed that way for me.  Good grief, can I not catch a break.  I swear I have been in the doc office more since January when I signed up for MVWLC that that last 3 years total.  No lie!

Sadly, my weight is up, my officially weigh in on Friday said 272.8.  I almost cried, if I hadn't almost fallen while trying to get up on the scale.  (Ankle/foot issues, xrays and further treatment to be discussed Monday.  Was to be Friday, but the PA didn't do as promised and call me right back, instead, I was his last appt and he went home.)

Anyhow-- I'm promising myself no more soda, which I've gotten into big again in the last month.  I'm going back to SP, which I did this morning, and I will exercise as I can.  Making sure I don't hurt my foot even more.

The pictures I am showing are from my Wii Fit time.  I couldn't believe that I actually made my goal, holy cow.  And I know the age is just subjective to how well you play the 2 games they want you to do, but still.

 

I've got crabs.

(Part of my notes I took from my MVWLC motivational class last month.)

"Ever been to a fish market, seen a big bucket of crabs? There are always 2 or 3 trying to get out. But what isn't amazing is that, instead it's that other crabs are there pulling on them trying to make them stay in.

Everyone has someone (family/coworkers/friends) who want you to stay in with them (you don't need to lose weight, you look good the way you are, be happy with yourself, etc..) but you need to get to the point where you can stand up to them and tell them why you need to do that. (I weigh 300 pounds, I do not look great the way I am.)"

I love my husband, even when he ticks me off.  He's a good man with a kind heart.  He treats my son like his own and has loved us forever it feels like.  However, he's my biggest, strongest, most powerful crab.

When we got married I was around 210.  I'd worked *SO* hard to get down to that weight and I felt *SO* good!  Little by little my weight has crept up, not quite to my heaviest ever, but so close to it that I get freaked out.  My hubster doesn't seem to mind.  He brings me stuff all the time.  I'll mutter how much a banana split blizzard (my fave) sounds fantastic, and one will magically appear.  We'll decide to have some place for dinner instead of cooking because of the schedule that day and he'll biggie size it to the biggest they have.  I made a comment that I was going to give up soda, my morning crutch on bad/stressful days (would stop by sonic on my way to school when I knew it would be one of those days.  Anyhow, he's brought me soda home. Almost  every day for the last week and a half.  Because my tooth has been hurting (I guess soda is a miracle cure) and because I was getting sick (flu bug going around school.)

He medicates with food... and I think I might have to figure out a way to kill him off in boiling water. 

KILL THE CRAB!!!

I'm not sure how to fix this... I was doing really well, and he's been sneaking up on me.  I can't be rid of him, married to the dude.  And when I say something about my feet hurting, or I'm too tired to exercise, or anything- he's the first person to agree with me and say I've worked so hard I should just go to bed, or lay down, or whatever.

And yes, I could throw it all away.. but what a waste.  Money is tight, our medical bills are sky high, so we are careful about spending/wasting.  It would kill me to toss out perfectly good (though not good for me) food.

Evaluating January

Okay, for the month I am down 6 pounds!

I am 7 pounds off where I wanted to be.

But like a wise man said, don't look at what you didn't do, look at what you did do.

I did lose 6 pounds.  Gone forever. 

Let's be realistic, losing 0.5 pounds a day is a BIG lofty goal.  I knew that, but was told to try to shoot for the moon, not just the stars.  So I did.  I know that I could catch up.  I also know that I might never.  But I'm going to just keep on moving on.

Making up my new goal sheet for February later today.  New month-- fresh month!

Another weekly Wednesday....

So, I was a little nervous to get on the scale this morning.  I overslept, not feeling very good (blasted allergies!) and just worried in general.  I've not had  any luck keeping track of food or exercise this week.  It's the first week of the semester- my stress is HIGH.  New kids, same course, but that getting to know them, figuring out seating charts, who needs what, what needs who-- first couple weeks are a nightmare.

And my keeping track of food has helped.... so this week?  I expected to be up, after all- on Saturday I *WAS* up.  Today, I wasn't.

I'm at 258.2 pounds.
My goal was to be at 261 pounds.

I'm ahead of my goal by 2.8 pounds.

Not bad, not bad....
I could be doing better...
But I'm not going to let that drag me down.

This weight loss crap (let's face it, it is crap) is enough of a downer, that I don't need to be more of a downer.  I've exercised and I've been eating all of my meals.  Haven't been drinking as much water.. but I'm drinking at least half of what I should.  Which is amazing.  Heck, just me eating every meal is amazing.  :)