I've got crabs.

(Part of my notes I took from my MVWLC motivational class last month.)

"Ever been to a fish market, seen a big bucket of crabs? There are always 2 or 3 trying to get out. But what isn't amazing is that, instead it's that other crabs are there pulling on them trying to make them stay in.

Everyone has someone (family/coworkers/friends) who want you to stay in with them (you don't need to lose weight, you look good the way you are, be happy with yourself, etc..) but you need to get to the point where you can stand up to them and tell them why you need to do that. (I weigh 300 pounds, I do not look great the way I am.)"

I love my husband, even when he ticks me off.  He's a good man with a kind heart.  He treats my son like his own and has loved us forever it feels like.  However, he's my biggest, strongest, most powerful crab.

When we got married I was around 210.  I'd worked *SO* hard to get down to that weight and I felt *SO* good!  Little by little my weight has crept up, not quite to my heaviest ever, but so close to it that I get freaked out.  My hubster doesn't seem to mind.  He brings me stuff all the time.  I'll mutter how much a banana split blizzard (my fave) sounds fantastic, and one will magically appear.  We'll decide to have some place for dinner instead of cooking because of the schedule that day and he'll biggie size it to the biggest they have.  I made a comment that I was going to give up soda, my morning crutch on bad/stressful days (would stop by sonic on my way to school when I knew it would be one of those days.  Anyhow, he's brought me soda home. Almost  every day for the last week and a half.  Because my tooth has been hurting (I guess soda is a miracle cure) and because I was getting sick (flu bug going around school.)

He medicates with food... and I think I might have to figure out a way to kill him off in boiling water. 

KILL THE CRAB!!!

I'm not sure how to fix this... I was doing really well, and he's been sneaking up on me.  I can't be rid of him, married to the dude.  And when I say something about my feet hurting, or I'm too tired to exercise, or anything- he's the first person to agree with me and say I've worked so hard I should just go to bed, or lay down, or whatever.

And yes, I could throw it all away.. but what a waste.  Money is tight, our medical bills are sky high, so we are careful about spending/wasting.  It would kill me to toss out perfectly good (though not good for me) food.

Evaluating January

Okay, for the month I am down 6 pounds!

I am 7 pounds off where I wanted to be.

But like a wise man said, don't look at what you didn't do, look at what you did do.

I did lose 6 pounds.  Gone forever. 

Let's be realistic, losing 0.5 pounds a day is a BIG lofty goal.  I knew that, but was told to try to shoot for the moon, not just the stars.  So I did.  I know that I could catch up.  I also know that I might never.  But I'm going to just keep on moving on.

Making up my new goal sheet for February later today.  New month-- fresh month!

Another weekly Wednesday....

So, I was a little nervous to get on the scale this morning.  I overslept, not feeling very good (blasted allergies!) and just worried in general.  I've not had  any luck keeping track of food or exercise this week.  It's the first week of the semester- my stress is HIGH.  New kids, same course, but that getting to know them, figuring out seating charts, who needs what, what needs who-- first couple weeks are a nightmare.

And my keeping track of food has helped.... so this week?  I expected to be up, after all- on Saturday I *WAS* up.  Today, I wasn't.

I'm at 258.2 pounds.
My goal was to be at 261 pounds.

I'm ahead of my goal by 2.8 pounds.

Not bad, not bad....
I could be doing better...
But I'm not going to let that drag me down.

This weight loss crap (let's face it, it is crap) is enough of a downer, that I don't need to be more of a downer.  I've exercised and I've been eating all of my meals.  Haven't been drinking as much water.. but I'm drinking at least half of what I should.  Which is amazing.  Heck, just me eating every meal is amazing.  :)

Mid week weigh in, outta the 260's!

Do you see that number?  I haven't seen that number in a LONG time!!!

WAHOOOOOOOO!!!

White girl can't cardio pump

I tried a new class tonight at the YMCA. 

"Cardio Pump."

I spent about an hour talking myself into going... I don't know why it's so hard for me to go, I never regret it... I guess it's more of I want someone to go with.  A friend to enjoy my misery with. 

Anyhow- I went!  And it was basically like a step class with no step, just on the ground.  Which is great- I *LOVE* step!!  So I was all gung ho, and about 20 minutes in, after a zillion (okay, like 20) squats- I thought my thighs would give out on me.  Then we got into more dance stuff.

Let me tell you, this white girl has got no groove.  I accidentally moved into the range of the mirrors-- oh the horror of seeing myself!  I looked like a fish flopping on the sand.  It was awful.  But, I kept plowing along.  Then I was watching the clock, class started at 5:30, there was a 6:30 TurboKick class (which I planned on going to also) and it was 6:20.  People were lining up in the hallway and peeking in.  Then I heard giggling...

I know the laughing could have been anything... and people peeking in-- well, people do that.  *I* do that.  But my inner idiot told me, "Melzie-- they are laughing at your fat @ss in hot pink pants, trying to move and lose weight."  I couldn't shut up II, I did try... it was rather depressing... and I felt my arms failing more and more. 

At 6:30 she ended the class, and all the hot people walked in (okay, not everyone was hot- but 97% of them were) and I was even more horrified by who might have seem me.  Thankfully, there were no kids from school there.  Last week (during TurboKick) there were 2!  I'm proud that I stayed, lol.)

Now as I relax after a super hot shower, wishing my legs would work better than they do (ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch) and wishing I had some groove to my swing-- I am glad I went.  I'm not glad I heard laughter... but I guess if I would to see a hot pink, panted fish on the sand... I might giggle also.

End of week #1- review

Today is the end of my first week of the MVWLC, so my weigh in is important.

Ignore my toes, they need help, but look at that number!!  My official weigh in was 270 (by their scale) my scale said 269.8.  So by their scale I should be 263.6-- but no matter how you want to play the numbers---

I am down 6.6 pounds!!!!!!

According to my spread sheet I should be at the 267 mark today and I blew it away.  Even with yesterday showing a gain of 0.6.

I've mainly been watching calories (dinner on Wednesday night of pizza and a glass of soda killed my calorie count, which is why I suspect I was up) mostly.  With some exercise built in, but not concentrating on that very much either.  I want to master this food thing first.