What we conquered!

 Summer of 2014 was intense.  It all started with me, we'd found out, via all things, exercise, that my Achilles was behaving badly.  I didn't want surgery until I absolutely had to- and in the spring of 2014, I knew it was time.  Walking hurt and my limp was significant.  An updated x-ray showed that the growth had changed.  The MRI proved that I had no cartilage in most of my foot- the other foot most likely the same.  Doc J wasn't sure how the surgery was going to proceed- but he's figured it would be an hour.  Surgery was scheduled for June 4th, the last week of school, purposely done because he wanted me off it for 3 months.  This way I would be ready to go back to work/school.

 Then in May my husband's heart murmur, which he's had his entire life, decided to behave badly as well.  His appointment, which we didn't think I needed to be there for, as I was saving all my time, ended with a "you need to have surgery now.  Cath lab and begging "can't it wait until October," didn't work in our favor.  They wanted it the 20th of May.  Husband pushed it back, because of my surgery, which I'd planned on pushing back.  But, secretly, I think he just didn't want his birthday to be spent in the hospital.  His surgery was schedule less than 2 weeks after mine.

My surgery ended up being just over 2 hours.  The removed a significant amount of my Achilles and then a section of tendon from my foot to rebuild it.  Doc J promised to send me a picture of him (I begged to keep it, but was told every time- no.)  He did text it to me and it was amazing.

The Hubs mom lives in the same town we do.  My mom came up from my hometown in Texas to help as well, arriving just 3 days after my surgery.    Hubs and I were a hot mess.  My mom took care of me and the house, while Hubs mom took him to appt's and his actual surgery.  I had a post op appt the morning of his surgery.  I couldn't walk, he couldn't lift.  His scars healed faster and prettier than mine.  Today, 6 months out, you would never know he'd been opened however, I still have a limp and am recovering slowly.

I remember how scared we were, it was a tough summer.  My body reacted to the stress and pain by sucking on the pounds, 30 to be exact.  But, I'm not scared anymore, at least in the same way.  Instead, I am scared that my body is going to backfire on me.  I've been so naughty to it and I need to stop.  I've noticed that I am not feeling good most of the time and I hate that feeling.  It's time to take back my life.  I do have 6 more months before I'm released, so I will be careful.  But, I am going to take a stand and make sure I am more in the moment with what I am doing.

My official weigh in- Day #1

292.2 on 1/1/15.

My goal is simple- to go down.

My hope, is to not see 290-anything EVER again.

2014 sucked, I won't let 2015.

It's been a LONG time since I've blogged.  Life has been insane and my body, unfortunately, shows it.  I'm at my heaviest and when I realized it yesterday, I pretty much cried.  

I could blame my Achilles replacement this summer.  6 months of recovery so far, another 6 months to go.  I could blame a new job, on top of going to school, my husband needing heart surgery, and other family drama.  I could keep going on those blames.

Or, I could be very honest and admit, that while my life in the last 7 months has been chaotic as all get out... I also have been slacking.  I've been drinking soda on a near daily basis.  I've not been allowed to exercise like I was, but I was too "I don't like it" with trying new things that I *could* do.  I spent my time laying on the couch or bed, watching movies and reading.  I've become a homebody-- and because of my own choices- my body is suffering.

Bring on 2015, I need to restart.  And I am going to do it.

The MVWLC is starting up tomorrow, we just don't have the funds to do it.  However, I am going to start blogging again and will do my own challenge for myself.

Meet Earl, it's all his fault, right?

 

I kind of dropped of the face of the exercise world didn't I?  Well, meet Earl.  That funky little thing in the picture, cock your head to the left and it looks a little bit like a mouse?  That's Earl and the reason I was told "no."  Exercising for my city Weight Loss challenge made me find it.  I was also on crutches and basically told to do nothing more than walking.  It was a HARD blow.  I had done so well, and the weight slowly crept back on.  I am holding off on surgery as it's not "needed" right now.  Basically my Achilles is calcifying, which is pretty bizarre, to me.  I will need surgery, but am waiting since it's not a have to do it right now kind of thing. Instead it's a "wonder how fast it's growing" and be careful.  I've found that biking, slowly, doesn't cause much of a problem.  So I've been looking and found an old spin bike at a thrift store for $10, guess who bought it? Me!

The school year is fast approaching and I will be working myself slowly back into a routine to hopefully get myself back to where I was when I found Earl. 

I'm not sure if anyone is even out there anymore, I'm so ashamed, but I am dedicated and plan to figure something out (more diet than exercise probably) to get me back on track.

MVWLC = Bad Mojo

Okay, so signing up for a weight loss challenge can't make you do horribly, but it has seemed that way for me.  Good grief, can I not catch a break.  I swear I have been in the doc office more since January when I signed up for MVWLC that that last 3 years total.  No lie!

Sadly, my weight is up, my officially weigh in on Friday said 272.8.  I almost cried, if I hadn't almost fallen while trying to get up on the scale.  (Ankle/foot issues, xrays and further treatment to be discussed Monday.  Was to be Friday, but the PA didn't do as promised and call me right back, instead, I was his last appt and he went home.)

Anyhow-- I'm promising myself no more soda, which I've gotten into big again in the last month.  I'm going back to SP, which I did this morning, and I will exercise as I can.  Making sure I don't hurt my foot even more.

The pictures I am showing are from my Wii Fit time.  I couldn't believe that I actually made my goal, holy cow.  And I know the age is just subjective to how well you play the 2 games they want you to do, but still.

 

I've got crabs.

(Part of my notes I took from my MVWLC motivational class last month.)

"Ever been to a fish market, seen a big bucket of crabs? There are always 2 or 3 trying to get out. But what isn't amazing is that, instead it's that other crabs are there pulling on them trying to make them stay in.

Everyone has someone (family/coworkers/friends) who want you to stay in with them (you don't need to lose weight, you look good the way you are, be happy with yourself, etc..) but you need to get to the point where you can stand up to them and tell them why you need to do that. (I weigh 300 pounds, I do not look great the way I am.)"

I love my husband, even when he ticks me off.  He's a good man with a kind heart.  He treats my son like his own and has loved us forever it feels like.  However, he's my biggest, strongest, most powerful crab.

When we got married I was around 210.  I'd worked *SO* hard to get down to that weight and I felt *SO* good!  Little by little my weight has crept up, not quite to my heaviest ever, but so close to it that I get freaked out.  My hubster doesn't seem to mind.  He brings me stuff all the time.  I'll mutter how much a banana split blizzard (my fave) sounds fantastic, and one will magically appear.  We'll decide to have some place for dinner instead of cooking because of the schedule that day and he'll biggie size it to the biggest they have.  I made a comment that I was going to give up soda, my morning crutch on bad/stressful days (would stop by sonic on my way to school when I knew it would be one of those days.  Anyhow, he's brought me soda home. Almost  every day for the last week and a half.  Because my tooth has been hurting (I guess soda is a miracle cure) and because I was getting sick (flu bug going around school.)

He medicates with food... and I think I might have to figure out a way to kill him off in boiling water. 

KILL THE CRAB!!!

I'm not sure how to fix this... I was doing really well, and he's been sneaking up on me.  I can't be rid of him, married to the dude.  And when I say something about my feet hurting, or I'm too tired to exercise, or anything- he's the first person to agree with me and say I've worked so hard I should just go to bed, or lay down, or whatever.

And yes, I could throw it all away.. but what a waste.  Money is tight, our medical bills are sky high, so we are careful about spending/wasting.  It would kill me to toss out perfectly good (though not good for me) food.